Old Friends

I had one of those milestones today. It's not that major, and I'm sure very boring to anyone that might happen to read this. But I need to write it down, for my own memory I guess. Maybe just to get it out of my system, because I'm still kinda worked up about it.

I had a friend growing up, her name was Emily. We were best friends. Literally, we spent every day together. (She lived right next door, less than 50 yards away) She was one year older than me, and a totally different crowd. She was gorgeous, talented, and looked 3 years older than she was. So naturally, she was what you would call "Popular." I, on the other hand, was not. We rarely ever saw each other at school, but when we did, she always said Hi to me. We often met up together after school and walked home, stopping by the toy store and doughnut shop. We would some times go a whole week during the summer without separating. We are talking 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

We were totally different around each other. We were goofy, loud, obnoxious.. We knew each other's secrets, we had a special language, and we had a notebook with all our letters to each other. I really don't think there has been anyone on earth tighter than we were.

When we hit high school, Emily became a cheerleader. She got sucked into the stereotypical lifestyles of a high school cheerleader, and started living her life differently than we ever dreamed of. Naturally, I was disappointed, but I really didn't care. I still loved her like my sister and never let it change anything about our friendship.

Eventually, Emily started pulling away. She would always have other plans going on. Parties, dates, etc. I figured it was part of life and tried not to let it get to me. I still kept in touch with her through phone calls and texts. We would talk anytime we saw each other outside.

As time went on, we grew more and more distant. One day I was outside, and my neighbor asked me if Emily was pregnant. I said I doubted it, because I was sure Emily would tell me. It turns out she was in fact pregnant. She said she hadn't told me yet because she still wasn't 100% sure. I wasn't too bothered about it, so I moved on.

We kept in touch a little bit, and she was one of the bridesmaids at my wedding. That was the last time I saw her or spoke to her until today. I have been texting/calling her every couple of months for over 2 years now. I've had a hard time with it. I really didn't want to accept that we were going our separate ways. Emily and I were so close. I always pictured that we would be friends forever. I know, really immature, right?

But anyway, I found out tonight that she is getting married in a couple weeks. I was crushed at first. I thought for sure I would at least get an announcement! After a bit of crying, and lots of emotional over-reacting babble, I finally got up the guts to text her one more time. She answered!! I was absolutely amazed. We've been texting back and forth tonight, just idle chit-chat, catching up and whatnot.

Earlier, during my emotional meltdown, I was trying to understand why I was so upset about it. I felt so childish and immature. I finally realized that I don't have very many close friends. I've really one had two people in my life that I have considered as a "Best Friend." And both of them I have lost over time.

I was trying to figure out why I had so few friends. And I had this ephiphany...

I had very few female friends in high school. I guess it's because I was always so insecure, I always felt that the other girls were prettier and more popular than me. I felt so insignificant next to them, so my friends were all guys. I was perfectly happy in high school, don't get me wrong. I had a great social life. But when Chris and I got married, most of the guy friends lost contact (for obvious reasons.) So that left very few friends remaining in my "circle." Out of the few that I had left, most moved off to go to school, and the others became single mothers and too busy for me. It majorly sucked. I felt so lonely and insignificant.

I actually realized how "friendless" I was several months ago, and I've been working really hard to get a few friends back. I think it might actually be working, and I'm really stoked about it. I just have to remember not to slack off. Being friends with guys was easy, being friends with girls takes a lot more effort! Haha.

Anywho, if anyone happens to actually read this. I'm sorry for wasting your time. But it really helped to get it all off my chest =]